Safety & Security
https://uniqrelation.com/safety-security.php
We always care your privacy,secreacy and prestise.
1. Getting Started
Our site allows you to remain anonymous to other users until you feel ready to provide contact information to other users.
Never include your personal contact information in your profile, especially telephone numbers, email, home address or your last name.
Only provide your contact information to another user when your instincts tell you this is someone you can trust.
Set up an email account just for online dating. This makes it easy to quarantine any unwanted mail.
Keep your passwords confidential and make sure they are not easy to guess. Choose a unique password for online dating that you use nowhere else.
2. Avoiding Oriblems
Ask a lot of questions when communicating and be alert for inconsistencies or requests for money. Make notes if you are suspicious of anything.
If you are suspicious of a person or if someone asks you for money, use common sense and then report the situation to us by using the "Report Abuse" icon located on the member's profile or by using the online support request form.
We do not validate the identity of our members or the information that they submit on their profiles. Although we take steps to eliminate any suspect members, it is not possible to be 100% sure that all members will be honest and truthful in their dealings with other members. Be alert and use common sense when communicating with other members.
Never send money to anyone who you met online, but have not yet met in person.
3. Before you meet
Find out as much as possible about the person you are communicating with before you meet them in person. Communicate extensively using email, instant messaging or chat prior to calling the other person. Do not disclose your phone number or personal contact information until you feel comfortable to do so.
Try to request multiple photos of the person you are communicating with. Ask to see photos of the person in a variety of situations at different times in their life. This helps to 'paint a picture' of the person and can be useful to understand more about that person.
When you do decide to meet face to face, pick a public place and tell a friend where you're going. Let them know when you return from the date.
4. While dating
Take your time to get to know the person. Proceed one step at a time and at your own pace.If dating a person located in a foreign country be aware of cultural differences and take the time to learn the culture and understand the other persons expectations about the relationship. Spend as much time together as is possible getting to know the person, don't just rely on email and instant messaging.
Investing additional time to get to know the person before things get serious will help you to avoid costly mistakes.
5. Before you become engaged
Each year hundreds of people on our web sites meet their spouse and live a happy, loving life together. Before you get engaged, take the time to consider what could go wrong and know your rights.
Getting married is one of the most important decisions in your life and not something that should be rushed. Make sure that you know as much as possible about your partner before getting engaged.
6. Get to know your partner's friends and family:
If you are getting engaged to someone from another country then you should take additional steps to familiarize yourself with your rights regarding domestic violence, abuse and divorce in your partner's country. Many countries including the USA, Australia etc. have laws that protect the visa status of foreign women who are unfortunate enough to marry or become engaged to an abusive or violent partner. This means that you can usually seek help for problems related to domestic violence while maintaining your legal right to remain in the country.
In the event of divorce, courts in many countries such as the USA, UK, Australia etc. will consider the equitable distribution of all marital assets based on a variety of factors. You should therefore consider how you may be affected in the event of divorce.
For more dating safety information please visit the following site:
7. Safety Concerns
7.1 Safety Concerns For Victims
(a) Internet usage can be monitored by your absuer. Be careful.
(b) A restraining order can keep your abuser away from you.
(c) Your child’s safety & custody are important things to keep in mind.
(d) Even if you are an immigrant, you have several options available to you.
(e) Know someone who is a victim? You can help.
Domestic violence (DV) victims have a number of safety concerns. Even something as simple as accessing information on the internet can have repercussions if the victim isn’t careful. Also, sometimes just leaving the abuser isn’t enough and you might need to get a restraining order to ensure your safety.
7.2 Internet Safety
The internet is probably the best place to find information and get help for a DV victim. However, your internet activity can be monitored and it doesn’t require much expertise to do so. So if you share a computer with the abuser and are unsure about whether you are being monitored, you are probably better off accessing information on a computer the abuser does not have access to. Your other option is to call a hotline and speak to someone rather than browsing the internet for information.
Simply deleting your internet history is not enough protection. If your abuser is clever enough, deleted internet history can also be accessed. Email too can be intercepted or monitored if you do not take the necessary precautions so it is vital that you are very careful when using the internet. The Women’s Law website provides comprehensive information on internet security for DV victims. Read through it so you are aware of the steps you should take to ensure your abuser is not privy to your internet browsing information.
7.3 Restraining / Protective Orders
As a victim of DV, if you leave your abuser, many countries offer you the option of filing a restraining order so you can feel safe knowing your abuser is legally entitled to stay away from you. Breaching the order will result in him being arrested. A restraining order is also described as a protective order in some places.
While the exact provisions of the law may differ from place to place; in general, when you file for a restraining order, the court orders your abuser to stay away from you and this can even include banning them from making any contact with you.
For more information about Restraining Orders, click here.
7.4 Child Safety & Custody
One of the main concerns for a DV victim is often there is a child involved and they want to ensure the child’s safety should the victim leave the abuser. Leaving the abuser also raises the issue of child custody and who would be granted custody in the case of such a separation. This is a complicated situation and the best thing for you to do is to get in touch with an experienced lawyer who can help. If you are unable to access a lawyer, call your local DV hotline and they can guide you about what you should do.
The Family Violence Prevention Fund has a few articles you might like to read that concern children who have been exposed to domestic violence.
The Women’s Law website has some basic information on child custody and addresses some common concerns victims may have about the custody of their child.
7.5 Immigrant Women
Immigrant women are often frightened to leave their abusers as they fear they have no rights. However there is no need to stay in an abusive relationship to keep your visa or permanent resident status, the law is on your side. You can leave your abusive spouse and keep your legal status or continue with applications for permanent residency.
7.6 Safety Planning For Abused Foreign Brides
All women in violent relationships should develop a safety plan. For information on safety-planning, including a general list of items that a woman should consider taking with her if she decides to leave, please see the Safety Planning Tips provided by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. An immigrant victim may need to include in her safety plan additional documents beyond those that an American victim may typically think to take with her.
As noted above, a foreign bride who has been abused by a husband she met through an International Marriage Broker (IMB) may be eligible for certain federal immigration protections that enable her to escape abuse and secure legal status independent of her abuser. Depending on the circumstances, the victim may have to show that her abuser is a US citizen or lawful permanent resident, demonstrate that her marriage was in ―good faith‖ (i.e., a real marriage, not entered into only to obtain legal status), and produce other types of evidence relating to their relationship, the abuse or other elements that will help prove that she is entitled to protection under federal immigration law.
Documents that an abused foreign bride should take with her (if possible and safe to do so):
(a) Victim's passport, birth certificate, driver's license or other identification documents.
(b) Marriage certificate, divorce certificate, children's birth certificates.
(c) Copy of abuser's passport, green card, birth certificate, or other identification.
(d) Wedding photos, children's birth certificates, letters/cards/emails between the couple.
(e) Evidence of injuries or abuse, including medical reports, photos of injuries, protective orders, testimony of witnesses, police reports, court documents, or other legal documents mentioning abuse.
(f) Leases, bills, travel documentation, immigration paperwork, or other documents with the victim's name and address to show proof of residence in the United States.
(g) Utility bills, bank accounts, leases, tax returns, or other documents that show that the victim had some period of joint residence with the abuser.
The US-based National Domestic Violence Hotline addresses a number of concerns immigrant women have if they are victimized by an abuser.
The Family Violence Prevention Fund also provides up-to-date information about help for battered immigrant women.
For more country specific information, it is probably best to get in touch with a lawyer in your current country of residence. The Department of Immigration in that country will also be able to advise you about your rights in case of domestic violence.
(i) U.S Info – The Women’s Law website has plenty of useful information and resources for immigrant women.
– There also a number of culture-specific support groups and agencies that can help immigrant women. They are listed on the Help Resources page.
(iv) Australian Info – The Department of Immigration and Citizenship in Australia comprehensively explains the Family Violence Provisions.
If you or your family are victims of domestic violence seek help immediately. You need to do more than just sort out your immigration status. Get in touch with the police, a lawyer, a counsellor or even women’s support groups. Click here for other Help Resources.
8. USA Victim Info
8.1 Domestic Violence Victim
(b) There are several organizations and agencies that can help you.
(c) Federal and state laws are designed to protect you.
(d) A restraining/ protective order might be helpful.
(e) If your abuser possesses firearms, acquaint yourself with federal and state gun laws.
(f) If you’re an immigrant woman, help is available.
This information is intended specifically for Domestic Violence victims currently residing in USA. If you are based outside the US, you can find more information on our main Domestic Violence page. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence in USA and need help, the following information may be useful for you.
8.2 Emergency Assistance
If you or someone you know is in need of emergency assistance as a victim of Domestic Violence, you have a number of options available to you.
(b) The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence also lists a number of state specific help centers for domestic violence victims. Click here to access the list.
(c) If you are looking for a place to stay, most states have shelters for domestic violence victims. This website lists state shelters by state. You can also search for crisis centers and local programs here.
(d) There are also a number of other domestic violence help services listed on the Help Resources page of this website.
(e) AARDVARC – An Abuse, Rape, Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection website also provides comprehensive state-specific information for victims.
8.3 Informational Brochures and Pamphlets
(a) For an in-depth explanation of how immigration law and family law protect abused immigrant women, see the brochure at Legal Momentum
(b) Futures Without Violence provides downloadable brochures with information for Immigrant and Refugee Women. Foreign language brochures are also available in:
(c) The USCIS pamphlet provides detailed information on the Legal Rights Available to Immigrant Victims of Domestic Violence in the United States and Facts about Immigrating on a Marriage-Based Visa. Foreign language brochures are also available in:
(xvii) Vietnamese
8.3 State Laws & Federal Laws
State and federal laws in the US clearly define the rights of a domestic violence victim and what options are available to you. Have a look at the Women’s Law website for state specific legal statutes as well as federal laws outlining not only your rights but also other related issues such as child custody or immigration related concerns.
While some states specifically outline Domestic Violence as a crime, others do not. However, as the Women’s Law website points out, there may be other crimes the abuser may have committed such as Assault or Stalking and you may be able to get your abuser arrested for these crimes. For more information, we recommend checking out the Crimes section of the Women’s Law website.
(a) If you are a victim of domestic violence in California, the California Courts Self-Help Center provides some valuable information on domestic violence as does the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence. You may qualify for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) which will compel your abuser to stay away from you. The Women’s Law website also serves as an excellent resource for civil and criminal law information.
(b) If you are in Maryland and have been subjected to domestic abuse, Maryland’s People’s Law Library provides plenty of information for victims including a civil and legal solutions section and list of shelters and programs across the state. The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence also provides help and information for victims. Even if you don’t qualify for a protective order, you may still be the victim of other crimes your abuser has committed. You can find more information on crimes and a list of helpful resources here.
(c) If you are in Minnesota, the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse is a valuable information resource for domestic violence victims. For legal information, check out the Law Help Minnesota website. If you need information about an order of protection or harassment restraining order, click here.
(d) If you are in Missouri, Missouri Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence works hard to eliminate violence against women in the state. You can find Missouri state domestic violence legal information here. Women’s Law also provides some additional information and help resources.
(e) If you are in New York, the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence should be your first stop for more information. Legal information is very well explained on Women’s Law. For those who do not qualify for an order of protection as per New York state law, you might still be the victim of a crime. To find out more about New York state’s legal statutes regarding crimes, click here.
(f) If you are a victim of domestic violence in Texas, you are likely to qualify for a family violence protective order or a sexual assault protective order. Click here for more information on family law and domestic violence. You can also find more legal information here. Additional help resources for victims are also listed here. The Texas Council on Family Violence also has lots of information.
(g) If you are a domestic violence victim in Washington State, the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence is a good place to start looking for more information. Washington Law Help provides all the legal information you may need as a domestic violence victim. Other information about crimes and how to get help can be found here.
8.4 Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)
The federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was introduced in 1994 and is considered a landmark legislation, enhancing the possibilities of criminal justice in cases of stalking, dating violence, sexual assault and domestic violence. The law was reauthorized in 2000 and 2005 and has made a big difference to abuse victims who previously suffered in silence.
The US Department of Justice Office On Violence Against Women (OVW) was created in 1995 to ensure this law is appropriately implemented. As per the website, “By forging state, local, and tribal partnerships among police, prosecutors, victim advocates, health care providers, faith leaders, and others, OVW grant programs help provide victims with the protection and services they need to pursue safe and healthy lives, while simultaneously enabling communities to hold offenders accountable for their violence.”
Since the introduction of the VAWA, over 15 years ago, there has been much progress, with several states introducing domestic violence statutes. Immigrant women are also specifically addressed in the VAWA as their situations are often complicated and previous legislation had failed to address it comprehensively. Most importantly, a larger number of victims have started coming forward and reporting their abusers. If you are a victim, the VAWA was created to protect you.More click here.
8.5 Read more here.
(a) Protection Orders & Restraining Orders
If you leave your abuser but still feel threatened by him and are concerned for your safety, you might want to consider a restraining order. Some states refer to a restraining order as a protective order.
Laws concerning restraining orders and protective orders in the USA vary from state to state. This is not governed by federal law. The Women’s Law website comprehensively explains restraining orders and also provides information on legal statutes in each state. Click here to access this information.
(b) Gun Laws
As part of the restraining order, some courts can also order your abuser to turn over his guns and other weapons. In addition, there are specific federal gun laws and state laws governing the possession of guns as well. In brief, these laws make it illegal for an abuser to possess firearms if he has been convicted of a domestic violence misdemeanor or any other crime. Get in touch with an experienced lawyer if you are concerned about your abuser’s possession of firearms.
The National Center on Protection Orders and Full Faith and Credit (NCPOFFC) is a project of the Battered Women’s Justice Project and its “mission is to facilitate implementation of the Full Faith and Credit clause of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in all states, tribes, and territories by raising public awareness of the statute’s requirements and by providing problem-solving technical assistance and support to individuals and jurisdictions.” The NCPOFFC can help you understand federal firearm laws better so if you are confused, Ph-- Fax (703) 312-7966
The NCPOFFC is made up of almost 2000 members including but not limited to judges, commissioners, referees and other experts in the field of family and juvenile law and other related issues.
8.6 Immigrant Women
If you are an immigrant woman in the USA and are dependent on your spouse to remain in the country lawfully, your abuser might make you believe you cannot report the abuse. This is not true and even non-citizens have basic rights and you definitely do not have to tolerate abuse. The VAWA makes special provisions for immigrant women in the USA and can help you escape the abuse. The Women’s Law website gives you plenty of information on how you can maintain your legal status if you were to report your abuser.
For a list of organizations that might be able to help you with your US immigration queries and concerns, click here.
8.7 The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR)
As part of the United Nations General Assembly, the USA adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) in 1948 and values the rights set out by the Declaration. This is particularly important for immigrant women who are sometimes not aware of their basic rights when they move to USA. Domestic violence violates a number of basic human rights that the United States attempts to guarantee all its citizens.
The Declaration outlines human rights in 30 articles. To read the full version of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), click here. As the focus here is Domestic Violence, we have picked specific Articles from the Declaration that we believe every victim should be aware of, as being subjected to abuse goes against these basic human rights.
Article 1
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
Article 2
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.
Article 3
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
Article 4
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.
Article 5
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
Article 6
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.
Article 7
All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.
8.8 International Marriage Broker Regulation Act
The International Marriage Broker Regulation Act (IMBRA) was introduced by the United States as a federal statute in 2005. It is an attempt to legally regulate marriages to foreign nationals and exercise stricter control over repeated fiancé/spouse visa applications. The idea is to protect immigrant women in the long term, from cases of trafficking as well as domestic violence.
In keeping with the IMBRA, many states have also introduced their own version of the IMBRA as state law, covering various relevant issues such as sexual assault and domestic violence. Residents of these states are required to comply with both federal and state law if they are considering a foreign marriage.
As an immigrant woman, married to an American resident or citizen, if you are a victim of domestic violence, the IMBRA was created to protect women like you. You are legally entitled to protection and justice under United States federal law.
If you are based in the USA and are a domestic violence victim, you have a number of help resources available to you. Whatever your situation, don’t be afraid to report your abuser but always ensure your safety first.
9. Help Resources
9.1 Getting Help
(a) If you know someone who is a victim, you can help
(b) There are several international anti-violence organizations that can help
(c) Help centers and hot lines in your country of residence can provide more immediate help and relevant advice
In the unfortunate event that you or your family becomes a victim of domestic violence, you should seriously consider getting help. Domestic violence goes against the basic human rights every human being is guaranteed. If you are married and living overseas, it is possible to separate from your abusive spouse and keep your visa and legal status even as an immigrant woman. The United States, United Kingdom, Australia and Canada and several other countries have domestic violence provisions in their immigration policy to protect immigrants who are subjected to domestic abuse.
9.2 Helping A Victim
If you know someone who is a domestic violence victim and are not quite sure how to help, the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence has an excellent guide for friends and family of abuse victims and how they can help a victim. The guide is also available in Arabic, Chinese and Russian and can be downloaded and printed out.
The US-based National Domestic Violence Hotline also has some advice on how you can help a friend or family member who is a victim of abuse.
9.3 International Organizations
Several international organizations are campaigning for a violence-free world and can be a helpful starting point for those looking for more information or help.
9.4 Location Specific Help
Organizations across the world work hard to help victims of domestic violence victims whether it be by providing them with basic information or helping them move on with their lives. Below is a list of help lines & organizations that you might find useful.
ASIA:
AUSTRALIA:
Confidential national helpline. Several state specific helplines are also listed.
CANADA:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
9.5 Europe (Eastern & Western):
One of the main concerns for a DV victim is often there is a child involved and they want to ensure the child’s safety should the victim leave the abuser. Leaving the abuser also raises the issue of child custody and who would be granted custody in the case of such a separation. This is a complicated situation and the best thing for you to do is to get in touch with an experienced lawyer who can help. If you are unable to access a lawyer, call your local DV hotline and they can guide you about what you should do.
(g) Spain: El Centro de Asistencia a Víctimas de Agresiones Sexuales. El Centro de Asistencia a Víctimas de Agresiones Sexuales
UK:
Helpline: 0808 2000 247 – 24 hour Domestic Violence Helpline
: 0300 999 5428 – Broken Rainbow Helpline for LGBT victims
: 0844 8044 999 – National Centre for Domestic Violence
: 0800 917 1414 – Northern Ireland Women’s Aid Federation
: 08 08 80 10 800 – Welsh Women’s Aid
: 0800 027 1234 – Scottish Women’s Aid
USA:
Helpline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – National Domestic Violence Hotline
: 1-800-656-HOPE – National Sexual Assault Hotline
: (888)-883-2323 – The National Jewish Domestic Violence Hotline
: (800) TRY-NOVA – The National Organization for Victim Assistance
: (732) 435-1414 – Manavi Helpline
: (800)-621-HOPE – Safe Horizons Domestic Violence Hotline
: 1-866-USWOMEN - Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center
9.6 International Toll Free Crisis Line
Resources:
(c) Give Back A Smile, free cosmetic dentistry for DV victims by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry
10. The Divorce Process
10.1 Separating From Your Partner
(a) Consider all the issues involving a separation
(b) Ensure your safety at all times
(c) Seek help from qualified professionals
(d) Your immigration status might be affected after a divorce
(e) Get all the information possible.
Considering a separation or divorce isn't the most pleasant thing to think about, but sometimes relationships just don't work out. Some separations are amicable and mutually agreed upon. However, other break ups can be unpleasant and sometimes scary. Think smart and stay safe at all times.
10.2 Separation Issues
Separating from your partner may not necessarily be unsafe, but some issues you might have to consider are:
(a) Distribution of marital assets, property etc.
(b) Child custody, if you have children
(c) Tax implications
(d) Alimony issues
(e) Expenses – legal and otherwise.
10.3 Separation Safety
If you are separating from your partner, always put your safety first.
(a) Don’t continue to live together if you are separating from your partner.
(b) If the break up is nasty, protect yourself in every way possible by changing all your passwords, ensuring your financial information is secure etc.
(c) If you have children, ensure they have a safe and stable environment to live in while the separation is being finalized.
(d) Do not tolerate threats or violence of any kind.
10.4 Immigration Status
A separation is painful for anyone but if you are dependent on your partner for your right to legally stay in the country, things might be a little more complicated for you. The best thing to do is to consult an immigration agent or solicitor who can advise you about your next course of action. Immigration departments usually have special provisions for divorced couples where one partner is a foreign national. Look up the relevant immigration website for more information.
This article on Immigration and Divorce provides some valuable information for US divorce cases.
10.5 Getting Help
Separations are not easy to handle and you will probably need a little extra help to get you through it.
(a) Legal help – Legal jargon is confusing for the average person and there will probably be some legal issues related to your separation, so it is best to consult a qualified solicitor for help.
(b) Immigration help – If your separation involves visa and immigration issues, you will need to consult a registered immigration agent or solicitor for the right course of action.
(c) Counseling – Separating from a partner usually has an emotional and psychological impact too. Experienced counselors might be able to help you deal with it.
(d) Friends & Family – Your close ones will probably be your biggest support during this difficult time; so don’t be afraid to confide in them.
10.6 Divorce Resources
Divorce laws and rights differ around the world so for a proper understanding of your rights in the event of a separation, your best bet is to consult a solicitor. However, some of these country-specific resources below might be helpful.
11. Getting Started Safely and Successfully
11.1 Online Dating Safety Checklist
(a) Is my computer secure?
(b) Have I chosen a good password?
(c) Do I have a separate email account?
(d) Is it a reputable site?
(e) Is my profile secure?
(f) Am I being honest?
(g) Is what I'm looking for clear?
(h) Am I taking other precautions?
Online dating will be a fun, fulfilling and potentially life changing activity if you take a few precautions to ensure your safety and success. Use our online dating tips to get started safely and successfully by finding the right online dating service, setting yourself up for safe online dating and maximizing your chances of meeting your dream online date!
11.2 Computer Security
Before you start dating online, ensure your computer is 100% secure and does not put you and your information at risk. Read our Computer Security tips for more details on how to keep your details secure.
11.3 Password Security
Choosing a good password is essential. An easily compromised password could result in your account being hijacked and worse still, the hacker could use your details for ID theft as well. Take note of our Password Security tips to ensure you choose a good, well thought out password for your accounts.
11.4 Email Security
Set up a new email account for online dating that will be separate from all personal and work accounts. That way you'll keep track of online dating communication and be able to easily isolate any unwanted or inappropriate content. Make sure your real name isn't included in your email address and check that any signatures are switched off for maximum Email Security.
12. Choosing A Reputable Dating Service
A reputable and reliable dating service will provide you with additional safety and security. Do your research and choose a dating service that not only meets your needs but provides you with a certain amount of peace of mind as well. If you need help, click here for advice on how to choose the right dating service for you.
12.1 Honesty Really is the Best Policy
When wanting to portray the best possible image of yourself it’s tempting to change a few personal details such as height and weight. However it’s important to remember that while online daters will be interested in your appearance hardly anyone is looking for the next Kate Moss or Brad Pitt. The vast majority of people use online dating to find someone with similar interests and attitudes so don’t feel the need to ‘tweak’ information about your age, height, weight or occupation. Telling little white lies will only be detrimental in the long run by making you feel uncomfortable about getting to know someone or meeting them in person.
12.2 What Are You Looking For?
Be clear and confident when describing what you're looking for in a partner. The millions of people using online dating services all want to meet someone but don't want to waste their time or yours. If you're looking for particular attributes such as ethnicity, religious persuasion or an interest in sports then say so! To maximize your chances of finding that special someone through online dating make sure they know you're looking for them!
12.3 Other Precautions
Once you have joined a dating site, it is important to continue to keep your details secure because the search has only just started. Read our Dating Service Tips for more details on how to stay safe when dating online.Good luck and we hope you find your partner soon!!!!!!
13. Computer Security
13.1 Secure Your Computer
(a) Use an anti virus program and firewall
(b) Update your computer
(c) Use secure wireless networks
(d) Create strong passwords
Before you go online and start looking for dates, it is absolutely essential that you ensure the computer you use is 100% safe and is not vulnerable to hackers or virus attacks. You should also take all the necessary precautions (especially if you’re on a public computer) to make sure no one else uses your online dating account. It is important to ensure no one but you has access to your online dating profile as email addresses and passwords in the hands of the wrong person could even result in identity theft. Follow some of these tips to ensure your computer is secure and less vulnerable to security threats.
13.2 Anti Virus and Firewall
Using a computer without an anti virus is like living in a house with no locks – it is unsafe. If your computer does not have an anti virus installed, before you start your online dating experience, it would be best to invest in a reputable anti virus product. A good anti virus software will protect your computer from all sorts of security threats including but not limited to virus attacks and spyware which could otherwise cripple your computer. In addition you must also ensure your computer is protected by a firewall. Your firewall could be in the form of a hardware device or a software and works by blocking remote access to your computer. In the absence of a firewall, malicious users may attempt to break into your system while you are online.
Every computer has a unique identifying IP address which allows it to exchange information with other computers over the internet. Unfortunately it is fairly easy for hackers to identify your IP address and connect to your computer if you are not careful. If your computer is poorly protected, a smart hacker can easily access your computer and all the files you have saved on it making you an easy victim of identity theft.
13.3 Computer Updates
The operating system you use on your computer must be regularly updated or your computer will not be equipped to handle the latest threats. For example, if you use a Windows Operating System, the updates are a way to protect your computer from any security loopholes that may have been discovered since you installed Windows. Set your computer to check for updates automatically, ensuring you are well protected . If your computer prompts you to install any updates, go ahead because your computer needs to keep up!
13.4 Secure Wireless Network
Is your computer connected to the internet via a wireless network? If yes, you need to be doubly sure you are well protected. Most Internet Service Providers will provide you with a secure wireless connection and a login and password only you are aware of. However if you have set up your wireless network by yourself, you need to ensure it is 100% protected. An unprotected wireless network is an open invitation for others to not only use your internet services but also, once again gives others easy remote access to your computer and everything you have saved on it.
13.5 Strong Passwords
The importance of good passwords cannot be stressed enough. Secure the administrator account on your PC with a strong password and ensure that all other user accounts on the computer also have passwords. If you need more help choosing a good password, read our Password Security Tips for some useful information.
A password protected administrator account prevents potential intruders from accessing your computer Also if you do use a shared computer, a password protected user account on your computer will ensure complete privacy and ensure others cannot access your files or your online dating account.
Most of these security measures are pretty basic and you do not need to be an IT genius to make these changes. However if you are unsure about the level of your computer's security go ahead and speak to someone who understands these things better. A secure computer is important, not just for online dating but for safe and secure web browsing in general.
13.6 Resources:
(a) PCStats’ Ten Steps To A Secure PC is a comprehensive resource if you are interested in understanding computer security issues better.
(b) Microsoft’s Consumer Online Safety Education website provides information on a wide range of online safety issues.
14. Password Security
14.1 Password Quick Tips
(a) Passwords for each account should be unique
(b) Passwords should be hard to guess for hackers
(c) Don’t share your password with anyone
(d) Names and common dictionary words make bad passwords
Choosing the right password for your online dating profile is very important. Sometimes a scammer will not try to scam you off money but may instead hack into your online profile and use it to scam other members. If your dating profile is hacked into, the scammer can not only use your identity on the dating site but may also use your details for identity fraud.
14.2 Common Passwords
Following is a list of the most commonly used passwords, according to Dark Reading.
(a) The highest percentage of passwords are a person’s first name. This could be their own first name, their spouse’s, their children’s or even a movie or a sports star’s name.
(b) Patterns on the keyboard are the second most popular passwords. These could be “1234”; “abcd”; “qwerty”; “asdf”; “1qaz2wsx”; “1q2w3e” etc.
(c) Pop culture references from TV, movies, music etc are popular passwords. “ironman”; “blink182”; “starwars”; “hannah” etc are some examples.
(d) “Password” or variations of the word is not such a clever password because it is fairly common. Popular variations are “passwordz”; “passw0rd”; “passwd”; “password1” and even “drowssap” (password spelt backwards).
(e) Referencing things that are nearby is also fairly common. “Samsung” is a popular password, probably because the make of the monitor the person is looking at. Similarly, “dell”; “packard”; “apple”; “pavilion”; “compaq” are common ones too.
(f) Emotional words and phrases are common with passwords with the F-word being the most popular. “iloveyou” and “ihateyou” are fairly common too.
(g) “Idontcare”; “whatever”; “blahblah” and “whocares” are very common passwords.
14.3 Choosing a Good Password
Steer clear of passwords that follow the patterns mentioned above. In addition, follow some of these tips to choose a good password.
(a) Do not use the same password for every website. If one site is compromised, all your other accounts will be compromised as well.
(b) Make sure the passwords are different for your online dating account and your email account and both passwords should be equally strong.
(c) Do not use dictionary words as hackers will use electronic dictionaries to figure out passwords and they try every word until they get the right one.
(d) Create a password using a combination of alpha-numeric characters and make it something that the hacker cannot easily identify with your identity.
(e) Use both upper and lower case characters.
(f) Use the entire keyboard as patterns are much easier to figure out if you use just one section of the keyboard.
(g) Make your own acronym. Think of a sentence that is easy to remember, such as “My mum is 52 years old” and your password could be “MMI52Y0” or any other variation that is easy for you to remember.
(h) Do not use a password that is mentioned as an example of a good password on websites/books.
(i) Use a password that is easy to type so that even if someone is looking over your shoulder, they cannot guess your password by simply looking at your keyboard.
(j) If you must write down your password, make sure you write your username and password in different places.
Tip: Never give out your password to anyone. There is no reason for anyone but you to know the password to your online dating account or email address. Scammers often use emotional blackmail to get their hands on your password, so don’t fall for it.
Last but not the least; the most important thing to remember about passwords is that you must change them regularly for maximum security. Find more detailed information in the Security Guide written for Red Hat Linux.
14.4 Getting Help
If your account has been hacked into and your details compromised, get in touch with the dating company immediately. They will verify your identity and close your profile or at least make it inaccessible to the hacker. If you use the same password for any other accounts on other websites, change them immediately.
If you feel you are the victim of identity theft as a result of your password being compromised, read more here.
14.5 Resources:
(b) The Pennsylvania Virtual Charter School gives detailed, step by step instructions on how to create a secure password.
(e) There are several password management softwares available that will store all your passwords, credit card details etc in one place. But again, tread with caution.
15. Email Security
15.1 Secure Email Tips
(a) Create a separate email ID
(b) Choose a strong password
(c) Know your security questions
(d) Don't include information on your profile
(e) Never give out your password
Email addresses are very personal and you should guard your details just the same way you would guard your home address or telephone number. Before you get started on the online dating process, it is not only important to ensure the security of your computer but it is also vital that you use a safe and secure email address. Also, email addresses can be very handy for scammers so understanding email security is essential.
15.2 Separate Email
During the online dating process, you will be interacting with a number of people and your email address will be your primary form of communication. It is a good idea to set up a brand new email address without using your real name so your identity is not easily identifiable by possible scammers on the website. This way if you ever want to stop communicating with someone online, they will not be able to harass you as your identity will remain a secret.
15.3 Password Security
The security of your email address is primarily dependent on the strength of your password so choose your password wisely. Read our Password Security Tips if you need help choosing a good password. Without adequate password protection, a scammer may even steal your email address and get access to other information you may have stored in your inbox. Another important tip to keep in mind is that you should probably have different passwords for your email address and your online dating account. In case one of the accounts is compromised, the other account will still remain safe if it has a different password.
15.4 Security Questions
To ensure your inbox is well protected, most email providers like Hotmail or Yahoo! will ask you to choose one or two security questions when you set up your email address. These security questions are designed to help you reset your password if you should ever forget it. Common security questions include:
(a) What is your pet's name?
(b) What is your date of birth?
(c) What was the make of your first car?
(d) What city were you born in?
(e) What is your mother's maiden name?
(e) What are your children's nicknames?
(f) Who is your favorite author?
(g) Best childhood friend?
(h) Favorite teacher?
(i) Favorite historical person?
(j) Grandfather’s occupation?
(k) Choose your own security question...
Make yourself familiar with the security questions you attach to your email account. Obviously, like your password your security question should be something you find easy to remember but others will have a hard time guessing. While the standard security questions are fairly straightforward, if someone knows you well enough, they may be able to guess the answers to your security questions as well. If a third person is able to figure out your security questions, they can not only reset your password but can also hijack your account. Additionally, this could also result in identity theft as the hacker could potential gain access to a variety of personal information from your inbox. The best thing to do is choose your own security question which should ideally be something only you would know the answer to, therefore making it hard for a hacker to hijack your account.
15.5 Profile Information
When creating your online dating profile, it is important to keep certain security concerns in mind. Always be mindful of what your security questions are and be sure never to include that information in your profile. So, if your security question asks for your pet's name, remember not to put your pet's name in your dating profile for all to see – you will only be making it easier for the hacker.
15.6 Keep Things Secret
Keeping your details secret is absolutely vital because fraudsters can use even a little bit of information about you to their advantage. While it is common sense not to give out your password to anyone, many of us don't think before answering other questions someone might ask us online. Be fully aware of what your security questions are and never divulge that information to anyone.
Scammers and hackers are becoming smarter and they often identify your security questions first following which they strike up a conversation with you online, gradually weaving in the security questions into a normal conversation. For example, your security question may be about the make of your first car. So a scammer might start a conversation about cars and even tell you about their first car in an attempt to get you to reveal the same information to them. Obviously this seems harmless but once you have revealed this information, your email address is immediately compromised.
Keeping your email secure is not rocket science. Just remember not to divulge your personal details to anyone, however innocent the question may seem and you will have no trouble.
16. Emotional Safety
16.1 Online Dating Emotional Safety and Success Tips
(a) Know what you're looking for
(b) Know your own emotional reactions
(c) Identify your emotional boundaries
(d) Identify other people's boundaries
(e) Be confident in discussing boundaries
(f) Watch out for misunderstandings
Everyone has different emotional comfort zones and it is worthwhile thinking about how online dating, like any dating, could affect you emotionally. Whether you're an online dating veteran or this is your first time using online dating services, being aware of your emotions will make online dating safer, more successful and more fun! Read on to become better acquainted with your emotional responses and boundaries and use our emotional safety dating tips to get the most out of safe, successful online dating!
16.2 What Are You Really Looking For?
Online dating will be a whole new chapter in your life, but what happened in the last chapter? Have you just come out of a relationship? Being ‘on the rebound' is an expression for entering potentially unsuitable new relationships after a break-up to fill a gap in our lives. While there isn't anything wrong with getting back in the saddle, being aware of your motivations in using online dating services will increase your chances of safe, successful online dating.
So ask yourself whether you're really looking for a long-term partner or just want someone to go to the movies with and know there's nothing wrong with the latter. After all, online dating is the perfect way to meet someone to discuss the plot with and hopefully they'll explain what happened when you ducked out for more popcorn.
16.3 How Would You React?
How would you feel and react if someone you had met through an online dating service gave an in depth account of their private life at the very beginning of your online dating communication? Would you feel pressured to respond with a similar account of your own life? How would you feel if someone you had met through online dating kept their profile visible on an online dating service after you had made some sort of commitment?
Online dating is real dating and the associated risks to your emotional safety are also real. To ensure safe, successful online dating you must become familiar with your own emotional responses and identify your emotional boundaries to protect yourself and your online dating partners from being hurt.
16.4 Establishing Emotional Boundaries
If something makes you feel uncomfortable, induces a sinking feeling in your stomach or upsets you in any way then examine, recognize and learn from that response; you've just found an emotional boundary! For example, if receiving lots of personal information from an online dating partner makes you feel uncomfortable and pressured into sharing your own information, you have indentified an emotional boundary relating to personal information.
The next step is to define and discuss this boundary with your online dating partner which isn't as scary as it sounds. In fact defining and discussing the boundary is as simple as saying “I'm glad you're happy to share that information with me but I'm not comfortable discussing my own personal life in detail just yet”. Next time you experience similar feelings you'll know your emotional boundaries have been breached and you'll be more confident in dealing with any such situations while using online dating services.
16.5 Respecting other people's emotional boundaries
Remember that you can't read someone's facial expression or body language when they open your email or instant messages during online dating. You might think a conversation is flowing along nicely without realizing the other person is feeling pressured into or uncomfortable about the discussion. A simple way to ensure your online dating partner is comfortable in your conversation is to give them options.
If, for example, you've just shared a story about your relationship history, give them the option of not reciprocating by saying “So that's my story but if you're not comfortable sharing yours just yet that's fine, I'll understand.” One of the biggest dating no no's is to use anything revealed to you, such as fears or insecurities, to pressure an online dating partner in any way. This is a major breach of online dating etiquette and is potentially devastating to your online dating partner's emotional safety.
16.6 Minor mistake, major misunderstanding
Communicating through online dating services means we can't rely on body language and vocal tones to gather information in our relationships. This difficulty can be exacerbated by typos, grammatical errors and differing language ability causing a simple email to become a minefield of misunderstanding.
When using online dating services you must realize there is a larger scope for miscommunication and misinterpretation than in the offline world. If you are offended by a comment it may be worth clarifying the author's intent before taking it to heart. Likewise, be aware that you risk offending someone if your sarcastic remark comes across as genuine or your comments clash with language barriers and constraints.
17. Cyberstalking
17.1 Stalking Checklist
(a) Stalking can be physical or virtual
(b) Victims are terrorized by their stalkers
(c) Majority of victims are women
(d) Most stalkers are male
(e) Keep all personal details safe online
(f) Share phone numbers etc only if you know a person well enough
Ex-lovers and rejected suitors sometimes turn into stalkers. It’s a story we have sometimes heard of and often seen in movies. While physical stalking has of course been around for several years, cyberstalking is a fairly recent phenomenon and is growing in recurrence with the increased availability of computers and internet across the world.
17.2 What is Stalking?
Any unwanted attention from an individual or even a group is defined as stalking. Typically, stalking may include harassing and intimidating the victim and general obsessive behavior. Cases of stalking are rare in the world of online dating but nevertheless, before you arrange a meeting with an online date, make sure you know them well enough and read our tips for staying safe when meeting someone for the first time.
17.3 What is Cyberstalking?
There is no official definition of cyberstalking. When an individual or a group uses the internet and other electronic means to harass another individual, a group or an organization, it is known as cyberstalking. Typical cyberstalking behavior may include monitoring, false accusations, cyber bullying, gathering information for harassment, threats, damaging data, equipment and other sensitive information, ordering goods and services on behalf of victim and even claiming that the victim is harassing them. It is a type of mental assault on the victim that is premeditated and malicious with the sole purpose of distressing the victim.
17.4 Physical Stalking Vs Cyberstalking
Cyberstalking and physical stalking share several similarities.
(a) Most stalkers are known to their victims and most of the time ex-flames and former intimates become stalkers. However, this is not to say that strangers do not stalk. Examples of this have been found in the real and virtual world.
(b) The majority of cyberstalking victims are women and most stalkers are usually men.
(c) Offline and online, a stalker by nature feels a strong urge to control their victim.
(d) Victims experience the same amount of fear, desperation and helplessness whether they are physically stalked or cyber stalked.
However there are certain differences too. In the case of cyberstalking:
(e) The stalker and the victim need not necessarily be in the same geographical location as a cyber stalker can carry out their activities online no matter what part of the world they are in.
(f) One of the scariest aspects of cybertsalking is that a stalker can easily use electronic third parties to suit their purpose of harassing and threatening their victims. A stalker can therefore easily post misleading information on a forum about the victim or even falsely pose as the victim in a chat room. Sometimes a stalker even posts the victim’s personal information online. Unfortunately, it is easier for the stalker to create havoc in a victim’s life when stalking online.
(g) It is harder to confront a cyber stalker due to the barriers of electronic communication.
Online harassment and cyberstalking can be just as threatening as physical stalking. In the 1999 Report on Cyberstalking compiled by the US Department of Justic, Vice-President Al Gore said "Make no mistake: this kind of harassment can be as frightening and as real as being followed and watched in your neighborhood or in your home."
17.8 Staying Safe
When dating online you will usually meet lots of nice people but every once in a while there can be someone with the wrong intentions, such as cyberstalking. Therefore it is important to protect yourself and stay safe while you’re looking for a date online.
(a) Do not give out your contact details until you get to know someone well enough. If you’re using email to communicate with someone, make sure your email address does not give out your personal details. Knowing your phone number, where you live etc is a lot of information in a stalker’s hands.
(b) When creating your email address for online dating, don’t use your full name. There is no need to reveal your full name until you get to know someone better.
(c) Keep your guard up. Everyone is not out to get you but there’s no harm in just staying careful.
(d) Do not use your full name as your screen name or ID on online dating profiles or dating chat rooms.
(e) Until you know someone well enough, do not discuss too many personal details with them. A stalker uses personal details to threaten a victim.
(f) Try to use the chat, IM and email services provided by the online dating site.
(g) Google yourself and make sure there is nothing out there that gives out too many details about you. This is also a good way of ensuring your name is not being used online without your knowledge.
(h) If you are breaking up with someone you met via online dating but no longer want to pursue the relationship, it may be wise to change all your passwords, secret questions etc.
17.9 Getting Help
If you think you are being cyberstalked, don’t brush it off because it will not go away unless you make it go away.
(a) If you are being cyberstalked, at the first instance, try asking the harasser to stop or blocking all email from them. In addition, alert the administration of your dating site as well so he can be removed from the site.
(b) You can also contact the stalker’s Internet Service Provider (ISP) as most ISPs have clear policies prohibiting the abuse of their services. Identify the domain by taking a look at the email address. The name following the “@” sign is the domain name and you can use this is a starting point to file a complaint.
(c) If it continues and you feel you are in danger, collect all the evidence you have and report the stalker to your local police.
17.10 More Information
17.11 Cyberstalking Legislation
Cyberstalking is a legally recognized crime in almost every country now and several countries have special laws for cyberstalking cases. However, even if your country does not have a special cyberstalking law, if you are a victim, you must contact the police immediately for help.
(a) US Info – The US currently has no federal law on the issue of cyberstalking. However, this article might be helpful. Several states, starting with California in 1999 have their own cyberstalking legislation or have at least begun to address the issue. These include Florida, Alabama, Arizona, Connecticut and New York among others.
(b) UK Info – Cyberstalking is classified as a criminal offence according to the Malicious Communications Act of 1998.
(c) Australia Info – Using technology to harass someone is described as “criminal stalking” according to the Stalking Amendment Act (1999)
18. First Meetings
18.1 First Meetings Checklist
(a) Meet in a public place
(b) Keep friends and family informed
(c) Dress appropriately
(d) Stay safe at all times
Meeting your online date is very exciting because you can finally see what they look like in person. Who knows, this could lead to a second date followed by a long term relationship and even marriage. However, since this is the first time you are meeting them, it wouldn’t hurt to exercise a little caution.
18.2 Meet In A Public Place
This is a basic rule to keep in mind whenever you meet an online date. Refrain from inviting them to your home, or meeting them at their place. A populated public place is a good safety net just in case anything should go wrong.
18.3 Who Knows?
Tell someone about your rendezvous, whether it’s just a date at a coffee shop or an overseas meeting. Should anything go wrong, your friend or family member will know of your whereabouts.
18.4 Dress To Impress
It is likely you will dress to impress your date, after all it is the first time you are meeting them. However, it is especially important for ladies to dress appropriately. Save your cleavage revealing tops and micro minis for your third or fourth date and dress slightly more conservatively for the first date, just so you don’t create the wrong impression.
18.5 Safety First
If you have gotten to know your date well, your first meeting should go off really well and you will likely enjoy your first date. However, always keep your guard up just a little bit, at least until you have had a few more dates. Enjoy yourself but put safety first and hopefully your first date will lead to many more!
Whether you are meeting a local date, flying cross country or even heading overseas for a meeting, there are certain safety tips you must keep in mind at all times. Keep reading to find out more.
19. Online dating meeting
19.1 Safety and Success Dating Tips
(a) Meet in a public place
(b) Don't accept a lift
(c) Tell a friend where you're going
(d) Keep your cell on you at all times
(e) Don't get drunk
(f) Watch your drinks and belongings
(g) Watch body language and behavior
(h) Get help at any time
(i) Trust your instincts
(j) If it goes well, meet again!
So you've met someone through online dating, have been chatting for a while and now you're ready to meet them in person. First dates are always exciting but it's important to keep your personal safety in mind. No harm can come from being over-cautious; you'll both laugh about it later. If your date cares about and respects you they will respect and reciprocate your concerns. Read on for safe dating tips and dating advice for meeting offline locally.
19.2 Location!
Always meet in a populated, public place in an area that you're familiar with such as your favorite busy restaurant. A first date is not the time for a hike through the forest or any other remote rendezvous.
19.3 Pick a Great Day for It
Meet at a time and on a day that's convenient for you. Be suspicious if your date insists on meeting at odd hours unless they have a legitimate reason.
19.4 Go Your Own Way
Do not accept a lift from your date. If you can't drive to the chosen location then get a friend to drive you, take public transport or a taxi. If you can't get there by yourself don't go.
19.5 Good Gossip
Tell a friend or family member where you're going, what time you're meeting and how long you expect to be. Give the friend a copy of your date's contact details and make sure you date knows you've done this. Letting your online dating partner know that you're giving someone else their contact is common courtesy but also makes sure they know people are looking out for you.
19.6 Stay Connected
Keep your cell phone with you and switched on at all times. If you change locations, such moving to a different bar or restaurant, call or text message your friend to keep them updated. Arrange to have the friend call you at a specified time, such as one hour into the date, to check how things are going. Chances are you'll be having a great time and want to chat about their cute smile but if things aren't going well the call will give you an excuse to leave.
19.7 Dating Under the Influence
Refrain from excessive drinking or any other activity that could impair your judgment and lead to poor decision making. Sure, you're out to have a good time but if everything goes well there will be many, many more good times to come. Getting trashed is also poor dating etiquette.
19.8 Watch Your Stuff
Do not leave your personal belongings or drink unattended at any time. If you go to the bathroom take your phone, bag and/or wallet with you. Do not risk having your personal details stolen. Keep any drinks close to you at all times and if you've left it, leave it. Half a warm beer isn't worth risking your safety.
19.9 Red Flag, Green Flag
Be aware of your date's behavior and body language. Shows of anger, possessiveness, frustration or attempts to pressure or threaten you should set off alarm bells; proceed with great caution. Alternatively if they're sitting up and leaning slightly towards you, showing interest in your conversation and maintaining eye contact you've got a winner!
19.10 Get Help At Any Time
If you are made to feel uncomfortable at any time attract the attention of someone around you. Tell a waitress, a security guard, a passerby, a stranger in the bathroom - just attract the attention and support of someone around you – and leave. If your date insists on walking you to a car parked down an alley or in a deserted parking lot stop where you are, call a cab and collect your car another time. Your safety is more important that worrying about causing your date offense.
19.11 Trust Your Instincts
It may sound like a cliché but always trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you to leave, then leave. Similarly if your gut is telling you that you've met the most amazing person in the world, arrange a second date!
20. Safe and Successful Long Distance Meeting
20.1 Long Distance Meeting Tips
(a) Stay at a hotel
(b) Taxi from the airport
(c) Don't disclose your location
(d) Stay in touch with home
(e) Read up on where you're going
(f) Trust your instincts
(g) Enjoy yourself!
Forget bungee jumping and sky diving, traveling long distances to meet your online dating partner is the most exciting holiday you could have! However, just like extreme sports, heading across the country or around the world to meet someone is a generally safe activity with a bad name due to a handful of unfortunate events. People jump out of planes all the time with no trouble, so long as they've checked their parachutes. Similarly you'll have a safe, successful and exhilarating time if you read our dating tips for long distance meetings.
20.2 Stay at a Hotel
Stay at a hotel when first visiting someone you've met through an online dating service, do not stay at the other person's home. If you can't afford a hotel, don't go. Safe dating is successful dating, don't rush things.
20.3 Get a Taxi From the Airport
Always take a taxi to and from the airport. Wanting to see the other person as soon as you get off the plane is natural but keep your safety in mind. Meet them at the airport by all means but do not get into a private vehicle with them or let them transport your luggage in a private vehicle.
20.4 Don't Disclose Hotel Name
Keep the name and exact location of your hotel to yourself until you are completely sure of the other person's intentions. Arrange public meeting places until you're comfortable in each other's company.
20.5 Stay in Touch with Home
Before departing give your friends and family a detailed itinerary and the contact details of both your hotel and the other person. Stay in constant touch with people back home through emails and phone calls. Make sure the other person is aware that friends and family know where you are, what you're doing and when you plan to return.
20.6 Be Prepared
Research where you're going and familiarize yourself with local customs, traditions and dangers. You are, of course, expecting a guided tour but collecting some useful knowledge will show not only that you're interested but that you're sensible and well prepared. Always take out comprehensive travel insurance and travel with reputable companies.
20.7 Trust Your Instincts
Long distance and overseas travel can be exciting, confronting and confounding but there's a difference between getting outside your comfort zone and being uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts and act responsibly.
21. Sexual Assault and Date Rape
Online dating often leads to offline dates, which have often ended up as successful relationships. However before you meet someone in person, take all the time you need to get well acquainted so there is hopefully nothing to worry about when you meet in person. Sexual assault on a date is definitely not an everyday occurrence but it doesn’t hurt to stay safe. Take the time to really get to know a person and such incidents are even less likely to occur.
21.1 What is Sexual Assault?
Any unwanted sexual attention or contact is usually defined as sexual assault. This includes and is not limited to inappropriate touching, sexual harassment, molestation and rape.
21.2 What is Date Rape?
Rape is the most common type of sexual assault. Date rape is when a date (or an acquaintance) forces you to have sex without consent. Sometimes this could be a stranger at a party but many times it could someone you know. Women are more likely to be victims of date rape. While women of any age can be a victim of date rape, it is found that ladies aged 15 – 24 are at a higher risk.
21.3 Date Rape Drugs
You will often hear of date rape being associated with drugs. This is because several times the victim is drugged on a date and then raped. The drugs make the victim unable to resist assault and sometimes the victim even has no memory of being assaulted. The drugs and dangerous and very powerful and are usually slipped into a drink when the victim is unaware. As they usually have no particular taste or smell, it is even harder to spot a drink that has been drugged.
The three most common date rape drugs are Rohypnol, GHB and Ketamine. Each of these drugs has several street names as well. For example Rohypnol is commonly known as R-2, Roach, Rophies; GHB is also known as Cherry Meth, Liquid Ecstasy, Easy Lay while Ketamine is sometimes known as Kit Kat, Cat Valium, K-Hole etc.
For more detailed information on date rape drugs, take a look at the Women’s Health website run by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.
21.4 Staying Safe
Sexual assault and date rape are definitely not common occurrences when meeting an online date. Read and follow the safety advice for meetings that we have outlined so you are well prepared. In addition, some of the following tips will probably be useful too.
(a) Always take the time to get well-acquainted with someone before you plan a meeting.
(b) While on the date, always be very aware of your surroundings.
(c) Keep an eye on your drink at all times.
(d) Getting a girl drunk is a common ploy so watch how much alcohol you drink, if at all.
(e) Be cautious during your first few meetings and stay away from dark and lonely places.
21.5 Getting Help
(a) If you believe you may be a victim of sexual assault, the first thing you should do is contact the police immediately and report the crime, no matter how big or small. It is common for victims to blame themselves in a case of assault, however you must always remember that your attacker had absolutely no justification.
(b) If you feel you cannot handle it alone, try talking to understanding family members or friends about how you feel.
(c) If necessary, you can also speak with an experienced counselor who can help you deal with it.
(d) If you have been raped, it is also a good idea to see a doctor who can test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
This Australian website that talks specifically about date rape offers some excellent tips on how to get help.
21.6 Resources:
(a) US Info – The National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
The Department of Justice lists several National Organizations that might be helpful.
Violence Against Women Online Resources provides a lot of material too.
– Sexual Assault information at The National Center for Victims of Crime
– National Clearinghouse on Marital and Date Rape
(c) Australia Info – 1800-200-526 – The National Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Helpline
The Australian Institute of Family Studies has several publications on the website about sexual assault. The New South Wales government has a website dedicated to Date Rape and it contains lots of valuable information.
(d) Male Victims – The About Date Rape website acknowledges that while male rape may not be as common, it does exist and has information for guys who may have been victims.
22. Overseas Travel
22.1 Overseas Travel Checklist
(a) Know about your destination
(b) Up to date safety information
(c) Organized travel arrangements
(d) Visas and valid passport
(e) Know where embassies are
(f) Have travel insurance
(g) Copies all of documents
(h) Spare cash or credit card
(i) Pack well and lightly
(j) Sense of adventure!
Overseas travel will expand your horizons, introduce new adventures and be a highlight of your life experience. Travelling abroad requires a little more planning than domestic travel because you have to take various issues into consideration. Whether it’s your first time abroad or you’re a travel veteran it’s important to plan and prepare for a safe, successful overseas trip. Whether you are going to visit someone or having your partner visit you, make sure you know all the rules and legal requirements of your destination country before the trip is planned.
21.2 Where Are You Going?
Hit up your local library, reputable internet sites and travel veterans for information about where you’re heading. Arming yourself with cultural, geographical and weather information will make your trip safer and more enjoyable. Not only will you pack the right gear, see all the important sites and have a better time you’ll be better prepared for anything that comes your way. Lonely Planet is a handy site.
22.3 What’s Happening There?
While you have your head excitedly stuck in travel guides and tourist brochures your dream destination could be suffering local violence, terror attacks or natural disasters.
From time to time, certain countries become unsafe for travel whether it be for political reasons, health warning or terrorism threats. Most governments issue safety warnings to keep citizens well aware of the dangers of traveling to some high risk areas.
22.4 How Are You Getting There?
Every country has different entry requirements depending on your nation of citizenship. The one thing you’ll need for sure is a valid passport with at least 6 months before expiry. A lot of countries require a visa for entry, some of which require pre-trip preparation. Check the following sites, travel agents, your government and the embassy of your destination country to make sure you meet entry requirements.
22.5 Will They Let You In?
Every country has different entry requirements depending on your nation of citizenship. The one thing you’ll need for sure is a valid passport with at least 6 months before expiry. A lot of countries require a visa for entry, some of which require pre-trip preparation. Check the following sites, travel agents, your government and the embassy of your destination country to make sure you meet entry requirements.
22.6 Do You Have A Valid Passport?
A valid passport is essential for travelling abroad because it is required to enter and leave a country. Check the rules for the country you are visiting because some countries require your passport to be valid for the duration of your visit as well as for three to six months after your entry into their country.
Take a look at the links below to find more country-specific information about passports.
22.7 Do You Have The Right Visa?
Before you head out of the country to visit your sweetheart or invite them to visit you, check to see you have all the right travel documentation. Having a passport isn’t enough because sometimes the destination country may require you to have a visa before allowing you to enter the country. You can obtain a visa from the consulate of the destination in your country and since you will be visiting, you will need a tourist visa.
For more information, take a look at some of these websites:
22.8 Who Knows You're Going?
Leave copies of your itinerary, passport, visas, insurance policies, plane tickets and accommodation with friends and family members. Stay in constant touch with home while you’re away through email and phone calls. Not only is this a safe and sensible move, you’ll be able to share all the cool details of your trip and have backups in case you lose any information.
You may also be able to register with your government or embassy so that your whereabouts is known in the event of a large-scale problem.
22.9 Are You Carrying Enough Money?
When travelling, carrying large amounts of cash with you is never advisable. Instead carry traveler’s checks and/or credit and debit cards. If you are carrying plastic money (cards), make sure your card can be used at ATM locations internationally. There may be a fee for this but usually cards with the MasterCard, Visa, Cirrus or Maestro logos on them are accepted worldwide.
22.10 What Are The Health Requirements?
Some countries pose more health risks than others and therefore the health and vaccination requirements vary in each country. Find out the relevant rules and get all the necessary vaccination before you head out for your visit. Apart from your vaccination, you might also want to get travel health insurance, just in case you fall sick while you are on holiday. Some of these websites have useful health information for travelers:
22.11 What If Something Goes Wrong?
There is always the possibility of something going wrong while you’re overseas. The most important bit of advice is to keep your guard up and be well aware of things that could possibly go wrong. If you’re well prepared there is very little that could turn into a disaster. Make sure you have comprehensive travel insurance that will cover all the activities that you’re likely to do (check skiing, golf, diving, etc) as well as all your possessions. Know where your country’s embassies are in your destination country and keep important phone numbers and addresses, such as emergency services and embassies, with you at all times. Importantly, don’t freak out about the little stuff. A stolen camera or mild case of tummy sickness shouldn’t spoil your trip.
22.12 What Do You Need To Take?
Take appropriate clothing, footwear and other gear for your trip. If you’re mountain climbing leave the stilettos at home but you’ll be equally uncomfortable wearing hiking boots in a nice Parisian restaurant. Know what the weather will be like, know what you’ll be doing and pack well but lightly.
Take spare passport sized photos and keep photocopies of your documents in a separate part of your luggage to the originals. Also save scanned copies of your documents and important address and phone numbers in your email inbox so they can be accessed anytime, anywhere.
Stash an emergency credit card and some cash in US$ somewhere separate from your main money compartment. Come theft, disaster or accident if you’ve got good travel insurance, cash or plastic and an accessible copy of your documents and emergency numbers you will be fine.
23. Identity Theft
23.1 Identity Theft Warning Signs
(a) Unusual activity on your credit report
(b) Missing bills and statements
(c) Emails or texts asking for sensitive information
(d) Calls from creditors about accounts you never opened or loans you never applied for
Thousands of men and women meet online every day and while online dating has expanded the dating universe like never before; a few bad guys fly under the radar and attempt to scam innocent people. While scams asking for money are more common in online dating, it is important to be aware of other equally important fraudulent practices such as identity theft.
23.2 What is Identity Theft?
To put it simply, when someone steals or attempts to steal your identity it is known as identity theft. Identity thieves use the victim's personal information and details to fraudulently pose as the victim, usually for financial benefits.
23.3 How Do Thieves Steal Identities?
The identity thief uses the victim's identity for personal gain and this leads to identity fraud. They make use of personal information such as bank account details, social security or tax file numbers, credit card details or any other financial account information for their personal benefit. They can get hold of this information through various online and offline methods.
(a) Phishing – They send emails or pop-up messages, pretending to be your financial institution to get you to reveal your personal details.
(b) Pretending – Once they obtain your personal email address or phone number, again they pretend to be your financial institution to get a hold of your information.
(c) Changing Your Address – If they know your home address, they can change the address and divert your bills and bank statements to a different address.
In the offline world, some identity thieves resort to literally stealing your information.
(d) Stealing – They steal wallets, credit cards, mail from mail boxes, pre-approved credit offers etc. At the corporate level, they even target companies and steal personnel information from their databases.
(e) Dumpster Diving – They rummage through the rubbish to look for identifying information or bills they can use.
23.4 Staying Safe
Don't become a victim of identity fraud; take these steps to prevent it from happening to you while you're dating online.
(a) Do not post or share any personal information and details with anyone, no matter how safe you think it might be. Bank account details, a credit card number or a social security or tax file number is often all a thief needs for fraud.
(b) If you are talking to someone on the phone, get to know them before you give them your cell phone number. Identity thieves have been known to use home and work phone numbers in reverse phone directories to reveal addresses etc so it’s probably best you get to know someone a little before you share your contact details with them.
(c) Keep a log of your chat or IM sessions wherever possible, just in case you need it in the future.
(d) Do not entertain any requests to cash a cashiers check as these checks are usually fake and as a victim you not only lose your money but could also reveal sensitive personal information to the scammer.
(e) Monitor your credit reports regularly to ensure there has been no unusual activity on your account. You can also freeze your report so credit issuers can only access your report when you give them permission to do so.
(f) If you receive emails, text messages or phone calls asking you for sensitive information, make sure you double check with the bank or financial institution as they will usually not ask for sensitive information over the phone.
(g) Use a locked mail box so your mail cannot be stolen and make sure you shred paper before you throw it in the garbage.
23.5 Getting Help
Sensitive information in the hands of a thief can lead to several kinds of identity fraud – credit card, bank and finance, government documents (getting a driver's license in the victim's name; using social security number), getting a job pretending to be the victim, renting services etc. Obviously an imposter is bad news and if you think you are a victim of identity theft/ fraud, you must get help immediately.
(a) File a police report.
(b) Immediately notify creditors.
(c) Dispute unauthorized transactions and doing so will help restore your name and credit report.
(d) Set up a fraud alert on your credit report to prevent the thief from opening further accounts
(e) Close the accounts that have been tampered with
In addition, take a look at the links below for detailed information about identity theft and fraud.
23.6 More Information
Identity Theft and Fraud Legislation
Protection against fraud by Fraud Act 2006
(c) Canada Info – Section 403 of the Criminal Code of Canada discusses fraud. Each province and territory also has its own privacy law for use and storage of personal data.
(d) Australia Info – At the federal level, the Criminal Code Amendment (Theft, Fraud, Bribery & Related Offences) Act 2000 discusses fraud. Each individual state and territory also has its own privacy laws.
24. Other Precautions
Once you have joined a dating site, it is important to continue to keep your details secure because the search has only just started. Read our Dating Service Tips for more details on how to stay safe when dating online.
Last Updated: 12-th July 2018
